seperated not legally seperrated and when i say i am going to see a lawyer she doesnt want me to in counselling because she says she loves me but is not in love with me what should i do

She breaking it to you easy. save yourself a ton of time and aggravation and just file for divorce. Move on with your life.

sep she says she needs her space there is no one else she wants to go to couselling she txts me x times a day drops by everyday we have sex more now than when she was living together she is x yrs old and going thru menopause could this be a factor

Yes that could be a reason