gf 23, me 43 for men (even though I've been married and two ) my gf is the most wonderful person I've ever known. I've never been "huge" on sex - she's latin...'nuf said there. Never felt anything sexually for ex husband - met my gf and for the first few months, I got those "butterflies" and twinges. But...the intensity of desire has "calmed" She does everything to me and it's great. My problem is I'm not a great reciprocal lover. I'm more the cuddly, kiss, make out, help out, buy presents, emjoy her company kind of gal. She say's it doesn't matter that I'm not "hyperactive" like her (go back to my age....I am NOT an eternal spring chicken....) but it still bothers me that I don't have more "desire" to go crazy in bed. I don't think it's stressing me....but it's definately on my mind. Even after divorcing, I cooled it for a couple of years and started considering celibacy as an acceptable alternative to just "not being bothered with sex" Is sex the be all and end all of relationshps? (in hetero's I know the answer is yes, because 99% of the men HAVE to have it) in lesbian relationships.....I'm confused.

I feel that with lesbians it is more about being in the relationship than anything else, both sexually and other wise. however, some lesbians really do play up the stereotypical agressive submissive thing. If your girl is the aggressive 'type' she may enjoy the challenge of you not being crazy in bed. But no sex is not the end all be all in gay relationships and I really don't think it should be in straight ones either but hey whatever people are people. Also, situations are all different and so are people. It is hard to generalize.

depends on the 2 people in the relationship If BOTH agree sex is not that big a deal and if the frequency (or lack of) of sex suits both people, then no, not the be all and end all. However, if one person can take it or leave it as far as sex goes and the other one has a strong sex drive, yeah it will be the end of the relationship eventually.

here's to hoping you are wrong about the end

article link You might find this interesting to read, though unless you've got time to spare you'll have to skip around a bit to get to the relevant areas.

Fantastic article magmlava... everyone should save it to their pc.

magmlava the article! it is indeed fantastic and I will be reading it indepth.

You make 43 sound old when you are in the prime of your life. Was your ex husband aware of your lesbian feelings? If not, then it's a shame that you wasted his time, when you should have been with a woman instead. I find this kind of misleading a partner worse than infidelity. Perhaps a little testosterone can help boost your sex drive, but you have to have the right doctor who will prescribe it. Nothing worse than a non reciprocal lover, as your partner needs to be nurtured and pleasured as well.

I second that emotion!! 43 is not too old for sexin'

This is what I would suggest.... Another prof at the college I work at had this problem (hetero however) and she started taking hormone replacement therapy and said that she couldn't keep her hand off of her husband. I would try it, what have you got to lose!!